Leadership

My good friend and mentor writes:

To: The Great Leaders Who Have a Passion for Continuous Learning.

In his recent blog posting, 6 Questions That Will Set You Up to Be Super Successful, Marshall Goldsmith writes: “When it comes to self-reflection, asking yourself active questions rather than passive questions changes the focus of your answers – and empowers you to make changes you wouldn’t otherwise consider!” Passive questions are those which “can cause people to think of what is being done to them rather than what they are doing for themselves.” His example is: “Do you have clear goals?” Passive questions open the door to understanding the “static position” – the current situation and if it exists and why. These are helpful in information gathering for continuous improvement. Active questions, on the other hand, call for a response to “describe or defend a course of action.” “There is a huge difference” Goldsmith writes, “between ‘Do you have clear goals?’ and ‘Did you do your best to set clear goals for yourself?’”

Goldsmith offers great leaders six active, behavior-altering questions, The Six Questions that Will Set You Up to Be Super Successful!:

Did I do my best to increase my happiness?
Did I do my best to find meaning?
Did I do my best to be engaged?
Did I do my best to build positive relationships?
Did I do my best to set clear goals?
Did I do my best to make progress toward goal achievement?

It is in these small steps of quiet self-reflection that great leaders become extraordinary leaders – a simple change in questions that changes behavior to be and become more than they ever dreamed they could be. John Holt writes: “Ask questions to find out something about the world itself, not to find out whether or not someone knows it.” There is so much beauty and wonder yet to be found… in ourselves, the world and in those whom we serve.

Simple stories sometimes capture the joy of profound truth and inspiration. A friend recently shared a story about the deep wisdom of Stephen Covey’s teaching: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

A lovely little girl was holding two apples with both hands. Her mum came in and softly asked her little daughter with a smile: “My sweetie, could you give your mum one of your two apples?”

The girl looked up at her mum for some seconds, then she suddenly took a quick bite on one apple, and then quickly on the other. The mum felt the smile on her face freeze. She tried hard not to reveal her disappointment.
Then the little girl handed one of her bitten apples to her mum, and said: “Mummy, here you are. This is the sweeter one.”

No matter who you are, how experienced you are, and how knowledgeable you think you are, always delay judgement. Give others the privilege to explain themselves. What you see may not be the reality. Never conclude for others. Which is why we should never only focus on the surface and judge others without understanding them first. For example:

Those who like to pay the bill, do so not because they are prosperous, but because they value friendship above money.

Those who take the initiative at work, do so not because they are foolish, but because they understand the concept of responsibility.

Those who apologize first after an argument, do so not because they are wrong, but because they value the people around them.

Those who are willing to help you, do so not because they owe you anything, but because they see you as a true friend.

Those who often text you, do so not because they have nothing better to do, but because you are in their heart.

It is in that beautiful momentary pause – the suspension of judgment – in which genuine caring and a willingness to trust and believe in someone is given. It is the great leaders’ vulnerability to be open to something more that perceived, heard or felt. It is an offering of respect, a moment of listening to stand in the shoes of another.

With business associates, friends, acquaintances and in the intimacy of family, these moments occur. They will capture your attention because they provoke an emotional response. Recognize this, and take that nanosecond of time to stop, listen and seek first to understand. You may just hear and feel like the mum who heard: “Mummy, here you are. This is the sweeter one.” As Leo Buscaglia wrote: “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” In every interaction, may you choose to turn a life around. That is the stuff of greatness.

Thanks to my friend a constant source of inspiration, Michael M. Reuter

Bill George, professor of management practice at Harvard Business School and author, wrote of the passing of Warren Bennis, American scholar, organizational consultant and author:

“… a giant oak has fallen with an impact felt throughout the world…. Just as Peter Drucker was “the father of management,” Warren Bennis will be remembered as “the father of leadership.” It was Warren who first said leadership is not a set of genetic characteristics, but rather the result of the lifelong process of self-discovery. As he once wrote: ‘The most dangerous leadership myth is that leaders are born – that there is a genetic factor to leadership. This myth asserts that people simply either have certain charismatic qualities or not. That’s nonsense; in fact, the opposite is true. Leaders are made rather than born.’

Warren Bennis found his joy and love of life not in positional power, but personal power. He wrote: “I realized my personal truth. I was never going to be able to be happy with positional power. What I really wanted was personal power: having influence based on my voice. My real gift is what I can do in the classroom or as a mentor.” The following are quotes of the rich legacy of teaching he left us.

“Becoming a leader is synonymous with becoming yourself. It is precisely that simple, and it is also that difficult.”
“Leaders must encourage their organizations to dance to forms of music yet to be heard.”
“Leaders know the importance of having someone in their lives who will unfailingly and fearlessly tell them the truth.”
“The manager has his eye on the bottom line; the leader has his eye on the horizon.”
“Leaders should always expect the very best of those around them. They know that people can change and grow.”
“Great things are accomplished by talented people who believe they will accomplish them.”

And so it is with great leaders – to influence with their voice, sharing their gifts of leadership that others may develop. To Warren Bennis, we all say: ‘Thank you, our dearest teacher and friend for helping us grow… to be more than we ever dreamed we could be… and more… so much more.

Let your voice be heard. There is only one beautiful and special you whose voice is unique in eternity.

Have a beautiful day and a magnificent week!!!

Mike

Contact Information:
Michael M. Reuter
Director, The Gerald P Buccino Center for Leadership Development
Stillman School of Business
Seton Hall University
Tel: (Office) 973.275.2528; (Mobile) 908.419.6060
Email: Michael.Reuter@shu.edu